For a long time, I thought one of the ways I demonstrated care for my team was by taking things off their plates.
I knew how much they were carrying. I understood the demands on their time, the pressures they were navigating, and the challenges they were trying to solve. And because I had the experience, authority, and ability to step in, I often did.
I took on decisions. I helped solve problems. I absorbed work that I thought would otherwise add to their already full plates.
In my mind, I was being a supportive leader.
And in some ways, I was.
But over time, I began to recognize something uncomfortable: my desire to protect my team from additional demands was getting in the way of both my effectiveness and their growth.
I was spending time on decisions and problems that didn't necessarily require me. Meanwhile, some of the work where I could add the greatest value—setting direction, anticipating risks, removing obstacles, and creating the conditions for others to succeed—was competing for my attention.
And there was another consequence I hadn't fully appreciated.
By continuing to carry so much myself, I wasn't giving the people around me enough opportunity to develop their own judgment, confidence, and capacity.
When good intentions get in the way
One of my team members eventually called me on it.
I don't remember the exact words, but I remember the message. There were decisions I didn't need to be making and problems I didn't need to be solving. My leadership team was capable of working through them together.
It was an important moment of reflection.
I had been looking at the situation primarily through the lens of workload. I didn't want to add more to people who were already working hard.
But I hadn't fully considered the difference between adding work and creating opportunities for leadership.
Those aren't always the same thing.
So we had a conversation about what decisions my leadership team should be making, what problems they should be working through together, and where my involvement was actually needed.
We began to shift how responsibility was distributed.
And something interesting happened.
I gained more space to focus on the work that genuinely required my attention.
My leadership team gained more ownership and opportunities to grow.
And the decisions themselves improved.
The people closest to the work often had the context, relationships, and practical understanding needed to make better decisions than I could from my position. Giving them the space to work through challenges together brought perspectives and insights that might otherwise have been lost.
It wasn't just a better distribution of workload.
It was a better distribution of leadership.
The difference between being responsible and carrying everything
I've thought about that experience a lot, particularly as I've continued my own leadership development and coaching work.
Many of the qualities we value in leaders can become liabilities when we don't recognize their limits.
Responsibility can become overfunctioning.
Care can become protection that limits growth.
Competence can become a reason to hold onto work that others are ready to own.
And a genuine desire to help can create patterns of dependence that we never intended.
I don't think the answer is simply to delegate more. Delegation can still leave a leader at the center of every important decision, assigning tasks while retaining all the judgment and authority.
What changed for me was recognizing that my role wasn't to be the person who carried the most.
It was to help create the conditions in which others could carry meaningful responsibility successfully.
That meant being clearer about direction and expectations. It meant making sure people had the authority, information, and support they needed. It meant being available to help navigate risks and remove barriers without automatically taking ownership of every problem.
And it meant accepting that people needed room to work through challenges, sometimes differently than I would have.
Resilience isn't just an individual responsibility
This experience also changed how I think about resilience.
We often talk about resilience as an individual's capacity to withstand pressure, adapt to change, and keep going when things get difficult.
But what happens when an organization's ability to function depends on a few highly capable people continually absorbing more?
Those individuals may be extraordinarily resilient. The system itself may not be.
When decisions, knowledge, and responsibility become concentrated in too few people, we create vulnerabilities. We limit opportunities for others to build capability. And we make it harder for teams to respond when circumstances change or key people are unavailable.
Building resilience means paying attention to how work, authority, and responsibility are distributed—not just how much individuals can endure.
It also means recognizing that leaders can't simply hand off responsibilities without creating the conditions for success. People need clarity, trust, resources, and the ability to make decisions without fearing that every misstep will be held against them.
The goal isn't to ask everyone to carry more.
It's to build a team where responsibility is shared thoughtfully, decisions are made at the right level, and people have opportunities to grow into what they're capable of.
Knowing what to carry
As I reflect on that experience now, I'm grateful that someone on my team was willing to challenge me—and that we had the kind of relationship where we could have an honest conversation about how I was leading.
I also recognize that this wasn't a one-time lesson. The impulse to step in, solve the problem, and make things easier for others can resurface, especially under pressure.
Sometimes stepping in is exactly what leadership requires.
But sometimes the more valuable contribution is to step aside, ask a better question, provide support, or trust others to work through something together.
That requires a different kind of discipline.
And perhaps a different understanding of what it means to care.
As we explore resilience this November, I've been thinking about two questions:
Am I spending my time on the things where I can add the most value?
And if I'm not, what opportunities for growth might I be preventing for the people around me?
They're questions worth asking not only when we're overwhelmed, but also when things seem to be working.
Because just because we can carry something doesn't mean we should.
And sometimes, putting something down is what allows someone else to grow.
Want More Support?
If you're working to find the balance between supporting your team and creating space for others to lead, you don't have to figure it out alone. Through leadership coaching, I can help you reflect on where you add the greatest value, what you might need to let go of, and how to create the conditions for others to grow and thrive.
I'd be honored to walk alongside you. Sliding-scale pricing is available (just ask).
